Retail Therapy or low self esteem?

I used to indulge in Retail Therapy. I was working long hours and so was my partner, and we would both go out and make ourselves feel a bit better by buying ourselves something. It could have been new clothes that we would probably wear once in a decade, or a gadget that we would use three times before it got lost in the cupboard along with the other gadgets. It didn't really matter. The point was to reward ourselves for our hard work. It might even have been just to have a night off the cooking and buy a take-away meal.

Retail Therapy is good for one thing only. The retailer's bank balance. It doesn't make you feel good (or at least not for long), and it doesn't really reward you. It took me a long time to realise this. Take a look at the humble take-away. Why did we need it? Because we were working too long hours to be able to organize and effect a home-made meal. So it meant that our bank balance was reduced, and the indigestion and overly fatty or sugar-laden foods meant that our health was adversely affected, which in turn resulted in a drain on our finances. So what is the answer to having to spend more? Obviously working more! And that was the problem.

I now teach people how insidious the working to pay for working cycle is. The more hours you spend working, the more money is required to handle the non-working part of your life, which means you have to work more, and on it goes. It starts with the occasional take-away, but can quickly extend to every part of your life. You can't afford the time to build those bookshelves, so you buy them. You jump in the car to go to the local shop instead of walking because you don't want to waste that half-hour walking. You get depressed at your lifestyle and you compensate by buying something you don't need and can't really afford.

This year I bought a bicycle. I now look forward to those little cards from the post office to indicate a parcel is awaiting pickup at the post office as it affords me an excuse to get on the bike and ride the 3km round trip. I get fitter, spend less on fuel, and therefore don't have to work that 15 minutes extra to pay for the time I just spent.

This is just a part of a series of changes in my life that have taken root as a realisation of the con-job that is Retail Therapy, and the current economic model. I'm not against spending money, but I am against working all the hours of the day just to make myself feel better about working.

I work from home now, and have done so for the last 15 years or so. I don't remember the last time I bought soap, or wine, or beer. We make all of that ourselves. And not because we have to either. It is a joy to use something or consume something you have put part of yourself into. And it doesn't take a lot of time or effort. It just takes a bit of a shift in perspective. I won't work in an office again, I just don't see the point. It costs too much for too little reward. And I'm not talking about monetary reward here either. Money doesn't buy you health, and doesn't buy you happiness.

The next time you go and buy yourself that fancy gadget, ask yourself why. Are you doing it because it is something you need and will improve your well-being and contribute to a stress-free life? Or are you buying it to fill a void created by your lack of work/life balance? If you are honest, there are a lot of purchases you will have to think twice about. Then go and look at your job. Are you doing it because you are making a difference, doing something you love, or even just because you need to support your lifestyle? Or does your lifestyle support your work? Do you live to work, or work to live?

Have you ever wondered about how much it costs you to work? Think about it. If you are an average Australian office worker, you probably spend up to 2 hours a day in your car, just getting to or from work. You have a take-away lunch pretty much every day, and a take-away dinner 4 nights out of 7. You go to the dry-cleaners at least once a week. So you are probably spending close to 2 days a week just working to pay to go to work! Think about it. To get that time back would be equivalent to either a 3 day week or almost a doubling of your wage. Have you made the right life choices?

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1 comment

Comment from: David B. Bohl [Visitor]  
David B. Bohl

Great post!

I think part of what you’re writing about has to do with expectations. When we begin to believe the notion that we can have everything we want and that we can do everything we want to if only we accomplish what’s expected of us, taht’s when we get into trouble. We become increasingly convinced that we can have our cake and eat it, too. On top of all this, we’re sold on the idea that this is what a balanced life should look like.

But this is a myth. The reality is this: We simply can’t have it all and do it all. We cannot give ourselves to everything we want to, nor can we give ourselves at all times to each and every part of our lives. We can’t give all of ourselves to our careers, including long commutes, often times working 9 or more hours a day, and expect to be full of energy and attention in our private lives for our families, our friends, and ourselves.

Many of us go further than that, feeling that we have to contribute our time to virtually everything, trusting that we’re achieving something only when we’re running from one responsibility or opportunity to the next, only to come up for a breath of air on the weekends. We feel that we have to be valued contributors at work, home, with friends, and in our communities, and all at the same time!

What inevitably happens is that we get so busy doing things that we lose sight of what we’re doing and why we’re doing it. We run from one commitment or obligation to the next attempting to have it all and do it all and we forget to look after our own needs and the needs of those around us. We become so all-consumed by doing things that we fail to experience life itself. We forget that we’re human beings, not human doings. You’ve illustrated this point very well.

We’ll all be better off if we do ourselves a simple favor by disavowing ourselves of the perception that we can achieve everything if only we labor hard enough and long enough. Once we’ve accepted that, we can get on with the business at hand, that of creating a lifestyle for ourselves that is balanced.

12/04/07 @ 09:56


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