Well the new burning off regime has been announced by the local Council.

"Fire reduction" burning off is permitted now on Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays, except in June and July and blah blah blah. Oh and that's from 8.00am to 6.00pm

Effectively we've gone from being allowed to burn off on Thursdays and Saturdays 10.00am to 3.00pm to double the days and double the hours.

Phew - that's going to be a big relief to the fools and idiots who think that burning off is the only possible way to get rid of your excess household rubbish, or the furniture you don't want anymore - or the twigs and sticks that you piled up last summer when it was stinking bloody hot - right outside the loungeroom window (did I mention this is about fire prevention). Yeah right.

So 4 legal days - and if anybody thinks that people around here actually PUT THE BLOODY FIRE OUT at the stipulated time, rather than just letting it smoulder away - yeah right.

If they think that their July free of smoke will be policed. Yeah right.

if they think that council by-laws officers will be available after hours to put out the smouldering. Yeah right.

If they think anybody will be around to help out with the "occasional" Sunday fire - yeah right.

The Yarra Ranges Shire Council - the same people that CHARGE US A SURCHARGE for making themselves carbon neutral have sold out to the lazy sods. To the people that think their manhood is reinforced when they can burn anything they like - to the people that think nothing of rushing outside with a match every time a leaf falls on their bloody lawns.

Think I'm overreacting. Try sleeping 5 nights out of 7 in a cloud of heavy smoke which sits in the valley here and pollutes the air to the point where you actually look forward to a trip down to Springvale to shop because the air is breathable down there.

Try spending your nights sleeping in surgical masks or in front of an air cleaner because the smoke actually triggers the worst bronchitis and hay fever you've ever had in your life.

Try listening to the crap that comes out of our local council about "responsible burning" when you know damn well that there are not enough by-laws officers to cover a council region of this size, and they don't work after 4.30 and they don't work on weekends and that ultimately, if you're being assaulted by smoke - the sort of smoke that when it happens in Launceston they talk about the scourge of wood smoke pollution - when it happens in Asia they scream about the pollution and destruction of forests - it's your problem - move - get off the mountain - go sleep in a hotel - whatever, just don't expect anybody to help.

We won't be able to stay here if we want to be able to live as well - living in smoke 5 days a week for months at a time isn't our idea of a good way to live or an acceptable way to live for that matter. So we're going to be forced to sell up and move now. At least the Council will be happy. They haven't solved the problem of smoke in the Dandenongs but they sure as hell have solved the problem of complaints about smoke.